e2: The Beautiful Executive Orders, Censorship, Kissing, and The Guaranteed Future For the War On TerroR
Transcript:
DB Cooper Junior:
Welcome to friends of the people a show about the really unreal truth I'm your host DB Cooper Jr Public Enemy Number 3,419 420 and if you'd like to know your Public Enemy Number you can Venmo me 39.95 at DBCooperJr and I will tell you your Public Enemy Number. Listen people I've got all the information on Public Enemy numbers right here my secret super secret FBI Files so hit up old DB Coops on the socials send me 39.95 and I'll tell you you will Public Enemy Number. And if you're not in the country's top 5 million Most Wanted I'll refund your money that's the DB Cooper promise. Can't get more tight than that baby.
As usual this episode is brought to you by the tin fat hat company. Get that stupid tin foil hat off your head basement dweller. You can keep the aliens and the government out of your head and still look like an extra for The Rat Pack by rocking this bad boy, go to FrenemiesOfTheOPeople.com right now click on the tin fat hats icon so you can protect your brain and your fashion sensibility and get this for an extra $ 39.95, 39.95 whatever that number is, we will program the foil and the hat to allow in the frequencies you want and omit the brainwashing frequencies you don't want. That's what we're able to do here at tin fat hats. Now you'll notice I'm not wearing my tin fat hat today, no sir and now that we've got the commerce out of the way let's get to why.
Censorship. Big Tech. The government.
Last week felonious monk himself Mr JC Snoop. He brought us a document from some scientists that clearly showed data proving that the shot glass that he came back from hell with, was in fact authentic. 100% real hell glass. Sounds bananas listen. I didn't make this up. If I was making it up you would know because I would be lying I couldn't tell these lies, that's what makes it true. I'm telling you Coop troop the shot glass was made of material that doesn't exist on Earth go back and watch that first episode if you want to know what the hell I'm talking about here. The material this glass was made of is called hell glass that's what scientists called it I didn't call it that, and just like the hot girl used to stalk in high school it's unlisted it's not on the periodic table people. And JC had the document with the data to prove it but Big Tech somehow had hacked into our cameras and blocked out the data.
We think it was the government because at the time Biden was still in office, no no no, we don't think WE KNOW it was the government. They don't want the truth about hell glass going out there so they blocked out the data. That's only one example of the truth being censored now we were supposed to launch this podcast on inauguration day when Prezzy Dezzy McTrumpsicle was being sworn in. We were going to swear ourselves in or post an episode or whatever but we couldn't Big Tech got in the way. The YooToobee overlords kept messing with the video upload process they made it impossible to upload our video we kept getting error messages. It kept telling us the the JPEEGEE file was not a video file or whatever I don't know what the hell that means but a proof that the government that Big Tech colluding to censor us to keep us off the airways or the interweb waves whatever and most importantly keeping you planet Earth in the dark from the really hard truth.
The TRUF that's what we call it, not today people. When the good Folks at Tin Fat Hats heard about what was going down they stepped up big time. As our number one sponsor they want to see us succeed and the scientifical folks that invented these incredible brain protecting hats they came together and they offered to cover our entire Production Studio with a giant hat baby that's what I'm talking about. To keep big Tech and the government from censoring our show. We got a picture of our studio with the protective tin fat hat on it. We're going to go to that now so we can prove to you that we're safe and that we're live and direct to you from the planet. Check this hat out. Isn't that legit, you know it's legit! Look at that, pay no attention to the pyramids that we're broadcasting from, don't worry about that. But it's the hat that you need to focus on.
So I don't have to wear my hat anymore I can just have it right here on the table for everyone to Marvel at. The big fat tin fat hat is keeping us all safe. Now I talked to the big folks and there supposed to be like this uh, this special thing they made for us but they're saying that they can make it for you. If you want to cover your house with a tin fat hat 17,000 bucks. It's a steal. Go online to FrenemiesOfThePeople.com click on the tin fat hat logo. 17,000 bucks. Get your own big fat Tin Fat Hat over your entire house.
Now you also notice if you look around, our studio is a little different from the first episode. That's because the studio was tainted so bad by Big Tech we had to abandon it. So right now we got the best debugging minds out there. My buddy uh Bubba Bo Coletrain and Skeeter Williams from the Whitetail Hunt Club they're here with shotguns and debugging gear and they're by next week going to have this thing clear and free of all the bugs and if all goes well we'll be back at our original studio with the big fat tin fat hat protecting everything. That's what I'm talking about you know this.
All right so now that we're truly free to talk about the really unreal truth what we call the TRUF Coop Troop. It's time to get down business. Now with Prezzy Trumplestein’s first week in office just a slurry of executive orders designed to make America Great again just like in the dark ages, we’ve got a lot to unravel.
Now to here to help us unravel these things, whatever they are is the first woman to ever be on the podcast. This incredibly perfect show I know you've all come to love, uh just a preface we didn't really want any women on the show because let's be honest periods… But our contract with Tin Fat hat says that we have to have a woman come on. So what we did we just basically stuck our head out the window here at the studio and was like hey you're a woman come on in. And here she is and so.
Uh ladies and gentlemen and gentle people in aliens. Here she is, Miss Hannah Freshperson.
Hannah:
It’s actually Hannah Freshman...
DB Cooper Junior:
Oh right you I was trying to you know be PC because you know uh you snowflakes get offended when anybody says the word man. So you know just saying the word “man” makes you want to choke a bitch.
Hannah:
Careful now... One wrong move DB, and I might have to mobilize my cancellation crew. We've got hashtags ready to go.
DB Cooper Junior:
Ugh you people and your hashtags. I bet you do, Miss Wokerton. Always ready to suppress the truth with those liberal lies!
Hannah:
Sigh. Let me introduce myself properly…
DB Cooper Junior:
Alright fine…
Hannah:
Since a lot of you aren’t used to this new presence. I’m Hannah , your government appointed liberal co-host, here to balance the scales and give this show just enough political correctness to keep it from imploding.
DB Cooper Junior:
BOOOO!
Hannah:
Yes, I’m the one here to “represent the other side”. Because apparently, the FCC thinks that letting DB talk unchecked is a threat to national security. And, honestly? They might be onto something...
DB Cooper Junior:
Well listen, I’m public enemy number 942 on the FCC’s list, and your damn right I’m a threat to national security! By that I mean, I’m here to keep the nation secure through my own insecurity! Wait.. Sorry, I need a Xanax, please, Snowflake, continue.
Hannah:
Sigh. Now, I know what you’re thinking.
Why does this show need you Hannah?
Can’t we just rant about liberal elitists and DEI without your fact-checking interrupting the vibes?
DB Cooper Junior:
Yea! Yea!
Hannah:
And listen, I get it. I do. But here’s the thing, I’m not here to ruin the fun.
DB Cooper Junior:
I hope not.
Hannah:
I’m here to make sure your fun doesn’t accidentally tank the stock market or spark an international incident. Come on, DB, can we just admit that reptilian elites aren’t the ones controlling the weather.
DB Cooper Junior:
Wait, Wait, Wait. You can’t prove the reptilian elites don’t exist can you! HAH! See I win, you can’t prove it. It’s clear.
Hannah:
I guess we are still doing that thing where we ignore reality to feel cool?…
DB Cooper Junior:
Well… This is just. Uh. Your reality, my reality, shmeality. Listen. It’s alternative facts baby, This is where I live. So what do you got to say about that.
Hannah:
Sigh. So, while you’re out there looking for secret government codes in your cereal box…
DB Cooper Junior:
Well yea…
Hannah:
I’ll be here making sure the facts don’t get lost. It’s a tough job, but someone has to keep you from accidentally starting a hashtag that gets all of us on an FBI watchlist. And speaking of which, DB, I’m pretty sure you’re already on that watchlist.
DB Cooper Junior:
Well yea I’m on that watchlist, I’ve got secret access to the FBI’s watchlist. Everybody knows this. I’ve been very transparent about this fact. And by the way, this list changes every single day. And you know when Papa Coop was on that list he only got off in 2016 when the FBI closed his files. Now I’m something like 3,442,000 something on that list. Again if you want to Venmo me, if you want your public enemy number. 40 bucks to DBCooperJunior.
Your definitely not on that list snowflake. How’s that make you feel?
Hannah:
It makes me feel great. I’d really rather not be worrying about if I’m going to end up in prison… For the shit I’m spewing.
DB Cooper Junior:
Listen listen, our boy JC Scoop spent time in prison and look at all the connections he made. Now he’s in with crypto whales, he’s in with the big time entertainment moguls. He knows what’s going on. Listen, I don’t know what you’re so afraid of. I’ve got to tell you what, this is what I want to get into Hannah. I can call you Hannah right? Or do you prefer Miss. Freshperson?
Hannah:
Hannah’s good…
DB Cooper Junior:
Alright thank you. So listen, I want to talk about inauguration day. Clearly our people excited, your people not so excited. I’ve got to tell you, what can you not like about these incredible executive orders? Like be real with me. Like what do you not like, and I’ll tell you how wrong you are.
Hannah:
Well for starters trying to get rid of Birth Right citizenship is fully going against the 14th ammendment.
DB Cooper Junior:
What is this 14th… What are you even talking about. What even is an ammendment? Who ammends anything?
Hannah:
You know what that is.
DB Cooper Junior:
I really have no idea what you’re talking about.
Hannah:
Stop denying the truth.
DB Cooper Junior:
Listen listen, fourteenth smorteenth, I don’t even know. So we got The Constitution right? And that’s that’s who even reads that? Nobody even knows what that is.
Hannah:
Yes we do!
DB Cooper Junior:
Why are we even talking about these things?
Hannah:
Didn’t you read it in middle school?
DB Cooper Junior:
Uh listen, I don’t have to talk about The Constitution. But listen what is the problem with this anyway? Like you should be, to be an American you got to speak American right? I mean let’s be honest that should be number one.
Hannah:
Say that again you got to speak what?
DB Cooper Junior:
You got to speak American, you want to be American you got to be able to speak the language!
Hannah:
You got to speak American?!
DB Cooper Junior:
Well yea! What do you speak?
Hannah:
English.
DB Cooper Junior:
Oh you know what I’m talking about! Why do you always, you’re always correcting, you’re always correcting with your language and your words. Listen, you know what I’m talking about. Listen, I want to know more though about this inauguration. Listen tell me more, because clearly you don’t have a concept of what it means to be an American, but that’s okay, we’ll fix that overtime. But tell me, tell me like more about this uh this uh this the the inauguration. Like what did you think, what were some other things?
Hannah:
Um yea I mean his own wife showed up looking like she was going to a funeral.
DB Cooper Junior:
Oh come on! You’re going to hate on Melania now?
Hannah:
I’m not hating, I’m just uh speaking the truth.
DB Cooper Junior:
Well uh maybe uh she’s mourning the fact that uh her husband has to run this country that’s in the dumps. You know I mean I give it to her, you know. Like uh I don’t know, you know it’s kind of a sad day to be an American these days. But you know what the Trumpster, Trumpsicle, Trumpelstiltskin he’s bringing us back baby. He’s bringing us back to the Dark Ages, and you’re going to come along whether you like it or not. Don’t forget, don’t forget he’s looking out for women whether you want him to or not. That’s right.
Hannah:
I guess… In his own way… I mean why, why was she wearing a hat so that he couldn’t kiss her. Wasn’t that a little weird?
DB Cooper Junior:
Oh come on, come on. They don’t like PDA. I mean come on maybe they kiss in private. Maybe they kiss eachother’s private, I mean…. You get what I’m saying!
Hannah:
No I don’t.
DB Cooper Junior:
Well I don’t know listen, I bet you know, I don’t happen to kiss my beloved in public I think it’s disgusting. I bet you kiss your lover all the time, probably all into this public smooching aren’t ya! I bet you are. Yea see now you’re laughing! See that’s why we don’t have liberals on this show. They think everything we say is a joke. This is serious business people. PDA Nuh-Uh. Listen I’m telling you, I think we need Sharia Law. I think the Muslim’s got something right. I'm telling you.
Hannah:
Sharia Law?!
DB Cooper Junior:
I think we gotta look, we gotta look to the Taliban. I think they know what’s going on.
Hannah:
Clears throat.
DB Cooper Junior:
Do you disagree with me? Look she can’t even talk?! She’s speechless over here.
Hannah:
I’m speechless! I am.
DB Cooper Junior:
She doesn’t know what to say.
Hannah:
You’re making me lose my train of thought with all the crazy shit you are saying.
DB Cooper Junior:
Ugh! Crazy shit, smazy shit. The truth always makes people confused like I can tell you what. I was confused. Until I came to the light, started reading DonnyInTheBasement.com. Real TRUF.ru Real people. Doing the real research. Not the liberal elites.
I’ll tell you one thing. What we don’t know is how incredibly close to God this Donald Trump is. Like he held a Bible at least once. Do you remember that time? When he was on the steps during the riot.
Hannah:
It was upside down?
DB Cooper Junior:
Listen, upside down, shmupside down. Does anyone actually even read the Bible I mean come one, who knows what’s in there.
Hannah:
I thought…
DB Cooper Junior:
Like he held it, that’s good enough.
Hannah:
Isn’t he a God fearing Christian though? Like doesn’t he know what’s in the Bible?
DB Cooper Junior:
Of course he knows! Every verse is his favorite. He’s been very transparent about that.
Hannah:
Do you think he is a good example for Christians?
DB Cooper Junior:
Listen, uhhh I see you’ve been looking at my watch. You like that?
Hannah:
No, I was not looking at, it looks like it doesn’t fit actually.
DB Cooper Junior:
Well it was the Don’s watch since you asked the question. Uh it was the Don’s watch, gave it to DB Coop my Pops and then Pops gave it to me so it’s special. And I just you know, it’s okay you can look at it. You can marvel.
Hannah:
I think we should get back onto topic.
DB Cooper Junior:
Uhhhhh.
Hannah:
Like the executive orders maybe.
DB Cooper Junior:
Oh yea yea yea, that’s the best thing that’s ever happened to this country.
Hannah:
So have you seen that clip of him like he’s about go sign an order and he goes, “Oh! What’s this one?”. The man doesn’t even know what he’s signing.
DB Cooper Junior:
Well, well of course he’s got people smart all around him who are like this what you need to sign. He doesn’t need to read it.
Hannah:
Or they’re using him as a puppet.
DB Cooper Junior:
Well of course he’s the puppet! He’s the President, Wait…. Wait, we’re going to have to edit that out.
Hannah:
Hahahah.
DB Cooper Junior:
We can edit that right? It’s not live right? Shit.
Can we go to the next subject? What were we talking about? I see that you’re looking at my watch… Oh I already did that. Uh what’s next. What were we talking about?
Hannah:
I mean this meme coin, why does a President have a meme coin? Like…
DB Cooper Junior:
Why you gotta hate?
Hannah:
It’s such an embarrassment, it’s a joke, I don’t even understand it. And it’s just like dumb to me.
DB Cooper Junior:
Listen, why do you gotta hate on the meme coin? He saw an opportunity to make a shit ton of money, to rip a bunch of people off.
Hannah:
That’s not ethical!!!
DB Cooper Junior:
He’s Donald Trump, clearly he has no ethics! Let’s be honest here. Like it should not be surprising to you snowflakes that he’s going to be unethical. That’s like the core of his being.
Hannah:
I guess you’re right… I shouldn’t be surpised.
DB Cooper Junior:
And we love him for that. Cause he plays by his own rules, he does what he’s going to do and he’s looking out for number one. And that’s what, that’s what we all gotta do. Read some Iron ran, virtue of selfishness baby. Let’s look out for number one. That’s how we dominate the world. And get watches like this. That’s what I’m talking about. I see you checking out to bolo tie too, that’s also handmade by somebody, probably some child in a foreign country but it’s very cool looking isn’t it.
Alright, I want to thank Hannah Freshperson from coming on and trying her best to fill your head with liberal lies. She’ll be back, because she signed a contract…
JC Snoop:
They always are.
DB Cooper Junior:
That’s what they do. They’re like cancer these liberals, they come, they grow, and you just gotta get rid of them.
JC Snoop:
You ever go to a college campus? Those places are overrun with them.
DB Cooper Junior:
Don’t even get me started man. Maybe one day we’ll have to do this on a college campus.
JC Snoop:
Maybe.
DB Cooper Junior:
If they let us come in. They’d definently censor us.
JC Scoop:
They don’t like our kind of learning.
DB Cooper Junior:
They don’t like the real research, done by real people. I don’t know what there deal is.
JC Snoop;
They want you to learn what they want you to teach. Not the real truth.
DB Cooper Junior:
By the way, the guys hitting us with all this knowledge is the one and only, the felonious monk himself, Mr. JC Snoop.
JC Snoop:
Thanks for having me DB. I’m just fulfilling my mission.
DB Cooper Junior:
Yo your mission is the dopest. I gotta tell you man, I’m so stoked to have you back. Uh we just before we get into our conversation we have to finish up the tic fact toe game right? You got two x's last week maybe you can get a third X this week if you get it right. So uh just as a reminder tic fact toe is the game we're playing the game is where we give you three statements, and you can play with us online go to FrenemiesOfThePeople.com if you want to and play online. Tell us what statements have the fact in the wrong context. This is a practice known as a factivity. Right? So a factivity is when, like I just said you take a fact remove it from the context to change it’s meaning to further your message. Right, very simple. So I'm going to read you three uh statements and you pick the one that has the factivity in it right. Alright, so JC here we go, you ready?
JC Snoop:
I’m ready!
DB Cooper Junior:
Alright, statement number one, President Trump has signed more than one dozen beautiful executive orders since taking office on January 20, including one order that rescinded 78 executive orders signed by former president Joe Biden. That’s statement one. Remove the, the adjective beautiful though. That wasn’t supposed to, I just got caught up in the moment.
JC Snoop:
But they are though.
DB Cooper Junior:
They are. Can we agree on that?
JC Snoop:
Clearly. Right.
DB Cooper Junior:
Statement number two, President Trump has launched a meme coin that serves no economic purpose but has tripled his overall net worth, as of this reading.
And last statement, President Trump didn’t kiss his wife on inauguration day, HANNAH, because he only kisses her in private.
JC Snoop:
Mmmmmm.
DB Cooper Junior:
So what do you think? Which one has the, is the factivity. Which one has taken the fact out of context?
JC Snoop:
Well this one is a little harder than last week DB.
DB Cooper Junior:
I’m trying to throw you off…
JC Snoop:
Yea, yea.
DB Coopr Junior:
You got two X’s you can’t win so easily.
JC Snoop:
I mean I get two more X’s it’s like a high school reunion for me. But I’m gonna go ahead, uh uh, I’m between one and three. And maybe it’s just the beautiful, but I think it’s going to be number one.
DB Cooper Junior:
Going with number one? Tell me the logic baby.
JC Snoop:
So beautiful.
DB Cooper Junior:
So beautiful, they are right!
JC Snoop:
Just like my four ex’s from high school.
DB Cooper Junior:
Right, very hot, very hot. I’ve seen pictures man they are legit.
JC Snoop:
Yea!
DB Cooper Junior:
Man how did you do that?
JC Snoop:
I mean…
DB Cooper Junior:
You are a good looking guy, maybe I shouldn’t be surprised!
JC Snoop:
I mean have you looked at this hair? Pantene pro baby.
DB Cooper Junior:
Yup, those ends are so nice and curled up.
JC Snoop:
Yea.
DB Cooper Junior:
I’m loving that.
JC Snoop:
No split.
DB Cooper Junior:
No splits at all. Zero splits. Unlike the relationships but that’s alright. Well…
JC Snoop:
You live and you learn.
DB Cooper Junior:
That’s it, what are you going to do. Unfortunately man, I got to give you the wrong. It’s actually statement three because we can only speculate that they kiss in private.
JC Snoop:
Right.
DB Cooper Junior:
We don’t know if they really actually kiss, right I mean my guess is that they only might kiss eachother’s hands. I mean Trumplestiltskin he ain’t got time for smoochies man. He’s got a life to live, a country to lead, I mean…
JC Snoop:
He’s too busy fixing the price of eggs.
DB Cooper Junior:
Exactly! I mean how could he be kissing when he’s thinking about eggs. The two other statements are true actually, he signed over a dozen executive orders…
JC Snoop:
Beautiful executive orders!
DB Cooper Junior:
Beautiful exec, I forgot that thank you for clarifying. Beautiful executive orders, and he created this meme coin which basically increased his wealth. Again on paper from 10 billion to 30 billion dollars. He created a meme coin that’s incredible! Look let’s get right into that because I know you’re in with the crypto whales.
JC Snoop:
My buddy Sam taught me all about it. I am here to share my knowledge so you can liberate yourself from the financial shackles of the mainstream system that wants to keep the little people down.
DB Cooper Junior:
That’s why we got you on here JC. Now listen I want you to just kind of pretend I’m and idiot, alright like, I kinda am but like pretend I am dumber than I actually am. And just break this down for me. Right like, in Trump speak can you break it down like what is going on with this meme coin and President Trump. Tell me tell me about this stuff.
JC Snoop:
For sure man. So the best example is imagine you could buy a Babe Ruth rookie card.
DB Cooper Junior:
Alright.
JC Snoop:
Like when you bought it initially it was worth what, a cent, a penny, I don’t know it was back in the day did they even have dollars back in the day?
DB Cooper Junior:
Yea I don’t know man, that’s a good question.
JC Snoop:
But if you had it today it would be worth a lot of money, like it gained value
DB Cooper Junior:
Yea yea.
JC Snoop:
That’s exactly what’s happening with the Trump meme coin. He is looking for us to get liberated from our financial shackles, to quit our jobs, to become the entrepreneurs, and job creators that we were meant to be. To become rich people, and so he created this coin which immediately shot up in value it's like a moneymaking machine.
DB Cooper Junior:
How did that happen?
JC Snoop:
It’s well you know he’s a great financial mind we all know this he’s a great business man, the best, the best it’s ever been.
DB Cooper Junior:
Ever.
JC Snoop:
Listen to this, he cares about us so much he sold it at $7 and immediately it shot up to $75.
DB Cooper Junior:
What?!
JC Snoop:
So if you invest it, that’s ten times your money man.
DB Cooper Junior:
What?!
JC Snoop:
Just like that. Overnight almost.
DB Cooper Junior:
People are making bank!
JC Snoop:
Right! But listen to this I’ll do you one better. He is so kind, such a beautiful soul…
DB Cooper Junior:
Yea, he’s the Trumpster!
JC Snoop:
He just cares about us so deeply, that when he saw the price at 75 he thought he could do something about it.
DB Cooper Junior:
What did he do?
JC Snoop:
He thought, that price is too high for all my people to get into.
DB Cooper Junior:
No…
JC Snoop:
So basically when he set up the coin, he kept most of them for himself, it’s his coin that makes sense. Which means at any moment he can affect the price however he wants.
DB Cooper Junior:
What!!
JC Snoop:
You double the supply, the price halves. That’s just basic economics.
DB Cooper Junior:
Yo that’s so legit!
JC Snoop:
So when he saw the price super high he sold a bunch of coins man just so that the price would drop to almost half.
DB Cooper Junior:
What!
JC Snoop:
To almost half! And then the little guys like you and I can get back in.
DB Cooper Junior:
So we can get in? We can get in, buy it low?
JC Snoop:
We can buy low. We can buy low and sell high. He sold high so that we could buy low.
DB Cooper Junior:
Yo this is what it’s all about people.
JC Snoop:
This is what it’s all about!
DB Cooper Junior:
Alright just so, cuz I gotta wrap my brain around this guys. Guys, cuz like I don’t know Cooper Trooper’s if you’re following along with this. Cuz I’m still a little confused still. But let me get this right, he hoarded most of the coin and he just kept it?
JC Snoop:
OVER 80% ! He was like this is my coin, and I’m letting you have it. But like what a nice guy he’s inviting us to his coin.
DB Cooper Junior:
He got us in!
JC Snoop:
He don’t have to do that!
DB Cooper Junior:
That, alright so okay so he holds onto it right which makes sense right?
JC Snoop:
Right. More than four out of five coins in his wallet, cuz they’re his. They’re his!
DB Cooper Junior:
Alright they’re his!
Of course they’re Trump coins.
JC Snoop:
It says it right there in the name it says Trump!
DB Cooper Junior:
Who’s going to argue with that?!
Alright so you got the Trump coin, he holds on to a lot of them and then to increase the value value he just gives a little bit away cuz then…
JC Snoop:
Just a little bit!
DB Cooper Junior:
Cuz demand and Supply. How does it work like when you want stuff that's demand…
JC Snoop:
You pay for it, right, right, right.
DB Cooper Junior:
And then the supply is the stuff that exists.
JC Snoop:
Right, so he gave little supply just to test it out, just to be like hey my loyal followers get in here! Get in with me in the boat.
DB Cooper Junior:
Yo, yo that’s brilliant!
JC Snoop:
Right, and then when people were going crazy over the coin there’s only so many, he sold a bunch more so everybody could get in on the fund. He saw how good it was working for everybody how much money they were making…
DB Cooper Junior:
Yea!
JC Snoop:
So he sold a bunch more.
DB Cooper Junior:
So the value went up when everybody wanted it?
JC Snoop:
Right. Over ten times. Everybody wanted more.
DB Cooper Junior:
Yo… I should be becoming a communist man. I feel like I don’t understand this system now.
JC Snoop:
He is gaming the system, he is taking the money out of the sytem and putting it right into our pockets.
DB Cooper Junior:
Yo… Yo… Deeb…. I’m Deeb… Hahahha. Listen. We’ve gots to do this coin man. I know you got the things that you got going on but we gotta figure out a way to make the DB coin rock man.
JC Snoop:
I think it’s going to follow a similar path and I think it’s going all the way to the moon.
DB Cooper Junior:
Listen.
JC Snoop:
Like when people know the truth they act on it. They act on their own self interest, this is exactly what it will be like. Rational actors making rational decisions.
DB Cooper:
Yo I feel like that’s a phrase or something that’s in a book or something somewhere. If it’s not, yo you gotta write that book.
JC Snoop:
Speaking of phrases, when our President released just a little bit, you know what that did? That primed the pump. Which is his phrase, he invented that phrase. So he does the action and he invented the phrase for it. My buddy Sam, he confirmed it.
DB Cooper Junior:
Get the… Well yo you’re blowing my mind JC…
JC Snoop:
It’s the concept. It’s the execution. The language, just everything.
DB Cooper Junior:
Yo you gotta drop the knowledge on the Coop Troop man. We gotta know how you get so embedded and so like connected man. Like I know you was in prison, and I know you got shanked and went to hell…
JC Snoop:
Right.
DB Cooper Junior:
Is there any updates on hell glass? Like I know we’ve been…
JC Snoop:
I’ve tried to get it out, I try to get it in there, they said that it was a little bit dangerous. They still don’t know what the radiation looks like, how it might comprimise our equipment.
DB Cooper Junior:
Okay.
JC Snoop:
But then… To tell you the truth, yeah I think they saw our podcast, and I think they were a little freaked by the censorship.
DB Cooper Junior:
I knew it. I knew it man. I knew it.
JC Snoop:
That was scary, when I saw the blank piece of page on the video, when I can see right here all the data!
DB Cooper Junior:
You still got the data!
JC Snoop:
I still got the data, its’s right here!
DB Cooper Junior:
Can we hold it up for the camera there? Hold it up.
JC Snoop:
Yes, I am.
DB Cooper Junior:
Are you kidding me!!! It’s back! Get the f out of here. Yo we got the Tin Fat Hat over the whole building…
JC Snoop:
And it still doesn’t…
DB Cooper Junior:
How did they get past Tin Fat Hat?!
JC Snoop;
Underground cables.
DB Cooper Junior:
Ughhh I didn’t think about the underground!
JC Snoop:
You gotta think about the underground man.
DB Cooper Junior:
UGH! Son of a… Alright so listen I gotta take this up with Tin Fat Hat, they promised me we’d be safe.
JC Snoop:
We’re already better, we’re already better. But like there’s a little work to do.
DB Cooper Junior:
Clearly there’s some work to do, we changed the studio, whole building, whole pyramid covered in the Tin Fat Hat. And look as you can see the proof in the pudding. I’ll hold it up to. His camera, look look, my camera as well look at that.
Both cameras hacked.
Big tech. Government. I don’t know who it is!
JC Snoop:
All the beautiful data man and we can’t show it to people.
DB Cooper Junior:
And you know what’s really screwed up JC… It happened, the first time it happened was under Biden. Now Trump is the Presi… What’s going on man!
JC Snoop:
The swamp is too big! The swamp is too big. He can’t do it all in one day.
DB Cooper Junior:
The swamp is too big. The state is too deep. Listen y’all listen. I don’t know what to tell you, I got nothing else left to say. The truth is here and we can’t even share it.
JC Snoop:
I know I mean Hercules used to clean the stables in a day, but I think it is going to take President Trump at least a month.
DB Cooper Junior:
That’s true, that’s true. We gotta give him some time, we gotta be patient. We gotta be patient.
So you know JC, I do hear this word you know it’s uh vility… volity… Volatility.
JC Snoop:
Volatility, yea yea that’s it.
DB Cooper Junior:
I hear that word people talking about it, like especially the snowflakes. They’re all like uhhh this volatility in the market and you know, they make it sound like some giant scheme this meme coin, right. It’s some giant scheme to make money out of nothing, I mean what do you say to that come on?
JC Snoop:
I mean, I think they just don’t understand how smart President Trump is.
DB Cooper Junior:
Clearly right.
JC Snoop:
Like volatility is something that happens. When you don’t understand anything, when you don’t know, when you don’t know who you are, when you don’t know how the system works. My four high school ex’s they were volatile. But this coin, this coin is solid man.
Liberals will look at this coin and look at all the price change, and they’ll be like that’s too many. Too many price changes, it’s up, it’s down, it’s all around. They can’t wrap their heads around it, but what you see is President Trump working for us. The coin changes price because he wants it to, he does that it’s not random.
DB Cooper Junior:
Yo. This is so freaking brilliant. Why can’t we get in on this- well we are! This is what we’re doing.
JC Snoop:
This is what we’re doing! We’re taking the truth to the people!
DB Cooper Junior:
We are taking the truth, we are doing the meme coin. Listen and you know the Demoncrats, Let’s Go Brandon! They saw meme coins are just jokes right?
JC Snoop:
Mmmm.
DB Cooper Junior:
Like they’re not real, they don’t serve any kind of purpose right?
JC Snoop:
Mhm.
DB Cooper Junior:
I mean clearly the purpose is to make the Don richer!
JC Snoop:
Well of course, and to make ourselves riche!
DB Cooper Junior:
Right!
JC Snoop:
You know the great thing about Donald? He cares about the rich people.
DB Cooper Junior:
That’s right.
JC Snoop:
And when he see’s folks like you and I who are not rich, he doesn’t care about us YET. But he looks at us and goes, I can make those people rich…
DB Cooper Junior:
That’s right.
JC Snoop:
And then I can care about them.
DB Cooper Junior:
That’s exactly-
JC Snoop:
And that’s what he’s doing. He’s trying to get us all in the elevator.
DB Cooper Junior:
You liberals hear this? I don’t know if any liberals have the guts to watch this show, cause this is where the real truth is they don’t care about the truth. But did you hear this? Did you hear what just came out of JC’s mouth, JC’s can you just say that maybe in liberal speak and in terms they will understand and like really break it down for them?
JC Snoop:
Yea I mean I can even try to like put on a fancy New York accent.
DB Cooper Junior:
Uhhh do whatever you gotta do.
JC Snoop:
Like a Manhattan accent.
DB Cooper Junior:
Let’s make it happen man. Something that will help them get how important this point is.
JC Snoop:
Well I would think President Donald Trump is really trying to get us all to build generational wealth by taking advantage of once in a lifetime opportunities to build digital assets, and really pad out our e-portfolio with long-growth, long-term, immediate return asset. You think you can’t get all three? But my friends who speak like this, yes you can.
DB Cooper Junior:
Coop Troop, did you hear all those words? Strung together that way.
JC Snoop:
It even hurt my throat to talk that way man.
DB Cooper Junior:
I could tell you were struggling, but man you nailed it! You got the, you got depth man. Like how do you not have some MBA degree or something man? Like I for real like I don’t know man.
JC Snoop:
Like we talked about, universities, those “centers of learning”…
DB Cooper Junior:
I don’t even know why I said it.
JC Snoop:
They only care about their learning, they don’t care about real truth, real learning.
DB Cooper Junior:
So what do we gotta do JC? Do we gotta keep buying the coin right?
JC Snoop:
We gotta keep on buying the coin. The Donald opened the door, told us this is how you get rich with me. This is how you meet me at Mar-a-Lago. This is how you go golfing with with me on Sunday’s. This is how you buy my Trump Vodka, my Trump Steaks, my Trump Trowsers.
He showed us the path. He opened the door. All we gotta do is walk through it. So every week, however you can, $10, $100, $1000. Just buy as much as you can. Every time you buy the price goes up, that’s how economics works. So you get double rich. You get rich because you buy the coin and you get rich cause the price goes up.
DB Cooper Junior:
Yea man, God! I can’t wait! I can’t wait till we do DBcoin. But obviously we gotta do the Trumpcoin first,
JC Snoop:
Obviously! But you know what, that’s going to all be in the same ecosystem.
DB Cooper Junior:
That’s true.
JC Snoop:
It’s going to be a well made portfolio of Melania, of DOGE, of Shibainu, and of course the DBcoin. All of these working together, we can provide liquidity to transactional markets, we can farm it, we can get amazing yield and return on these coins.
DB Cooper Junior:
Yo I’m loving what you’re saying. I’m grabbing my jaw because … I feel like… I feel like my feelings are getting attacked. I feel like there’s radiation coming in, I feel like the Tin Fat Hat ain’t working. I feel like we’re dropping so much truth-
JC Snoop:
They’re breaking through! They’re breaking through!
DB Cooper Junior:
So much truth, it’s just coming in past the Tin Fat Hat, my- We might just have to cut this conversation short JC.
JC Snoop:
That’s okay.
DB Cooper Junior:
You’ll be back though right?
JC Snoop:
I’ll be back! Of course man. I’m spreading the truth and fulfilling my mission.
DB Cooper Junior:
Alright, alright y’all real quick. We might have to take a commercial break, Tin Fat Hat, call them up fix up the hat. Uh our man the Felonious Monk himself, Mr. JC Snoop dropping some hard crypto truth on the planet. Listen up Coop Troop, cash out that 401K, buy Trumpcoin. Even if you lose everything it’ still going to the Don so it’s all good in the end.
JC Snoop:
It’s all good!
DB Cooper Junior:
JC, again thanks for stopping by and dropping some wisdom, you make the show great.
JC Snoop:
But you make the show!
DB Cooper Junior:
Alright, Cooper Troopers, it’s time for our weekly segment, increasing engagement. This is where we intentionally mispronounce words, misidentify nouns, and misstate numerous basic facts to rile you up, and get you onto social media. Rage baiting at its finest.
You ready Cooper Troopers, here we go.
The Now-ark Gy-ants are the beast Uh-myr-EYE-can foat-bail tee-am. I cool dent teel yao wahoo their Koo-ert-er-back is – I think it’s Elly Personing -- but I’m sure yao coold teel me if I’m wuh-rong. Foot-bail fahns! Un-it-tie!
Now go online and tell me how many things I got wrong. If you guess right, I'll send you some Trump coin. Just venmo me an American sawbuck to cover the transfer fees, and I’ll get you a Trump coin.
Now for our final segment. The Unvarnished Truf.
First of all, can we get a Mormon A-people on the first week of the Donald J. Trump 2.0? A-people is the PC way to say Amen, so instead of men you say people.
Holy Lord have mercy on Oscar Meyer wieners. This guy is just doing it all! Who needs a democracy when you’ve got the Don making all these knee-jerk decisions, that we, that only a small few of us benefit from. Well maybe not JC Snoop because he is a felon and all, but the rest of us probably, for sure, at least some of us.
In a single, or I guess, in multiple strokes of a bunch of different pens, Donatello Trump-pael is kicking out the illegals, restoring the death penalty. Big day for murder, people, great day for murder... he’s withdrawing Merica from the Paris Climate Accords, we’re now gonna be part of the Paris Climate Civics... Heh you like that one don’t you Hannah Freshman.
Hannah:
(Shakes head, sighs)
DB Cooper Junior:
He’s also cutting regulations on big oil, making it easier to drill and pollute, and Lord knows we Mericans love our pollution and cheap gas. You can’t have one without the other people.
He’s also shutting down all the Diversity Equity and Inclusion initiatives at the federal level, and finally, well, at least for the sake of brevity of this segment, finally he’s defined the two sexes.
Hannah:
You mean genders?
DB Cooper Junior:
Gender shmender, sexes bexes.
Now I’ve got a real problem with that last one. And I’ll tell you why. I know, Cooper Troopers, you like sex between two people just like me. That’s the way the good Lord intended it. Two sexes, and that’s it.
But that Executive Order is titled; “DEFENDING WOMEN FROM GENDER IDEOLOGY EXTREMISM AND RESTORING BIOLOGICAL TRUTH TO THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.”
Now, I love defending a defenseless woman as much as the next misogynistic asshole, but, what about men?
Women who come into our bathrooms, peeing in our stalls, taking up valuable pooping space with their, their... No! We need to separate men and women at all cost!
Just like I mentioned before Sharia law baby. Matter of fact, I think we should look to the Taliban, I mean they got it right. Hannah’s over here laughing thinking I’m joking.
Hannah:
HAHHAHAHHAHA.
DB Cooper Junior:
I’m being real, this is serious business over here.
See we can’t have liberals on this show they don’t take it seriously. That’s why we can’t have debate in this country. They can’t, they think we’re joking, this is what I’m talking about people. This is why we can’t progress as a nation. Nobody takes us seriously.
I think the Taliban has got it right. Women in the kitchen, girls out of school, and life is about God, and feeling pretty terrible about everything else. But the other executive orders let me tell you I’m stoked. I’m stoked to get illegal immigration under control. We kick out all those illegals it means we’re guaranteeing a never ending war on terror. I don’t know about you, but I love me a good war on terror. As long as those terrorists aren’t white men of course. Those are patriots people we all know that.
Think about it. We send a bunch of sad saps back to their own war-torn countries that are run by dez-pots supported by Merica, of course. They go back to their own countries and sulk and wine and complain and get so mad they gotta come attack us. And that way, the war machine keeps on churnin, baby. Now we need a good terror war to continue indefinitely, think about it.
And listen, in full transparency I’ve got twelve dollars of stock in Lockheed Martin, and I wanna see that stock price double in the next few years. So let’s start kicking people out ASAP. The war machine keeps American wheels greased baby. Without it we’d have nothing to spend our money on.
We’d have like 800 billion dollars to spend on other stupid stuff, like education or health care. What a waste!
As for the Diversity Equity and Inclusion initiatives… This is great news! We want people to look like us. People that don't look like us scare us frankly. Who cares what the quote-unquote “data” says? This data is always coming from some liberal think twink that comes up with it anyway so who cares that diverse companies make more money, or that they’re more succesful, get more done. I don’t care about that. It’s not about that.
It's about perpetuating our close-minded ideology about keeping America red, White and.... green baby. Sorry blue!
And now for the pardons. Can i get another Mormon A-people on the pardons, I mean my goodness? I mean when Biden did it, clearly it was political. It was for his son, clearly political. But when Trump did it, he did it for us baby, for America!
Laws are so freaking dumb anyways, why do we even have civilized society? It should be a free-for-all. We should be able to do whatever the hell we want with zero consequences because this is America.
As a matter of fact, to celebrate these pardons, I recently went to Walmart stole about 30 Trump-coins worth of bullets. Well it was 30 Trump coins in bullets when I stole them, now it’s 300 Trump coins, because the value’s tanked, but that’s beside the point. I stole these hollow-points because, well, the Don is gonna save me! I know, I now have tons of bullets that can be used to protect America. And murder anybody who doesn't look like me and anyone who tries to take out the Don!
Consequences, smonsequences. It’s time to , accountability went out the window. Who wants to be accountable for their actions? That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.
I mean Trump himself talked about how we could use one violent day to get rid of crime. The Purge, in real life.
That’s what I’m talking about. No accountability is the best!
I mean the greatest Empire in the world stopped holding people accountable, Rome, and look what happened to them! I mean, sure, they eventually self-destructed, and we will probably too, but that's alright. Because the Phoenix Will Rise From the Ashes. And this Phoenix will be a wild animal free to do whatever it wants, have sex with whomever it wants, as long as it’s not with the same sex.
Let’s face it, it's cave people who really had the most freedom. Who has more freedom than a cave person? It's time to go back to cavemen days. Back when men were men and women were property and children were assets because they could work and get stuff done.
And finally, I want to talk about these executive orders and how they have the liberal media dancing like crazy people. Not only do these executive orders represent the closed-minded America that we love, but also has the liberal media reeling.
Look at them running around with her heads cut off, trying to make sense of it all. Fact-checking this and researching that. Ever notice that all fact-checking websites are liberal?
Know why that is?
Because conservatives are always right! We don’t need to check!
We know it!
So as the liberal media’s all worried about democracy and all these executive orders, the Don is getting dirty baby. The Trumpeteer once again has the liberal media wrapped around this chubby little pinky.
He launched his pump-and-dump meme coin, he’s got some secret deals with China in the works. I mean tariffs on Chinese imports and a reinstatement of TikTok? Man the Don is up to something people!
His brilliance is gonna light up the world in an atomic blast of orange Trump coin and McDonalds hamburgers! Sniff... smell that? Yoomee.
That’s it for today. Follow me on the socials at DB Cooper Junior, don’t forget to subscribe and hit that like button on the Yoo-Too-be, or Spot-iffy or App-lee podcasts. New episodes are launched on Fridays.
Next week y’all, we’ve got an incredible show. We’ve been working with some scientific people, some brilliant minds, people who do their own research, and we’ve developed this incredible piece of technology.
You don’t even know, you’ve never seen anything like this. This here allows us to interview a person’s conscience. We’re calling it the Trump Whisperer, cause with this we can actually have a personal conversation with his consciene. And next week we’re going to interview Donald Trump’s conscience. Don’t miss it!
Thanks to JC Snoop, and Hannah Freshperson for joining us. I’m DB Cooper Junior, and remember in the pronoun wars, I am me, you are you, and that is that.