Inaugurating Fantastical Prezzy Donald Trump with Our Inaugural Episode
TRANSCRIPT:
DB Cooper Junior:
Welcome to Frenemies of the People, a show about the really unreal truth. I’m your host D.B. Cooper, Junior.
This episode is brought to you by the Tin Fat Hat Company. Why are we still wearing aluminum foil on our heads? Why look ridiculous when you can wear this stylish hat with aluminum woven right into the fabric! Keep the mind controllers away and look fashionable. Go to Frenemies-of-the-people dot com right now and click on the tin fat hats icon so you can protect your brain and your fashion sensibility. And for an extra monthly fee of $39.95, we’ll program the foil to allow in the brainwashing frequencies you want, and exclude the ones you don’t.
Thank you, planet, for joining us on this super important journey of finding the unreal truth together. Again, I’m DB Cooper Junior, you all probably know my father the OG DB, what you don’t know is that momma Coop was preggers with yours truly back when pops hijacked that plane in 1971.... and suckered the gub-ment out of two-hundred thousand dollars… which, if you did the math… by that I mean… if you googled 200 thousand dollars in 1971… the google would tell you how much money that is today. And that’s like one point five million dollars people. Not bad, pops. Not bad.
Of course he made some smart investments, like he got in early on Fruit Loops and high fructose corn syrup, and he struck gold. He eventually got into real estate, and now he’s the number seven guy in the Trump organization. Number seven, people. He talks to Don Don at least once a quarter. They are like this!
So listen up Cooper Troopers – that’s you, by the way – if you’re watching this, that’s what you are. You’re a trooper – like me – for the unreal truth. And if you’re like me, you’re so right… it hurts sometimes. You know that feeling? When you know you’re right, but you’re talking to someone and and they’re throwing all these facts and figures at you, trying to tell YOU what to THINK! Who do they think we are? Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t pay attention to people who spew facts. They’re just using the facts they like. What about the fact that I’m right? Don’t they care about that? BEAT... Just like Papa Coop used to say, “Fact is that I got away. For me that’s good, but for the gub-ment, not so good.”
Ya see? Facts are good for some people, but bad for others. So why even bother? I just pay attention to my gut. My gut has never steered me wrong… I don’t have time for other people’s facts.
What I do have time for, Cooper Troopers, is for factical activities…. Let me explain what I mean. A factical activity is when I take a quote-unquote fact, and use it completely out of context to make the point I’m trying to make. And to help us understand what it means to be factical, we’re going to our segment, Tic Fact Toe.
Alright, planet... here’s how the game works. You get three statements, and you gotta pick the one that contains the fact in the wrong context. Now the beauty of this segment, is that it will teach you, Coop Troup, how to manipulate facts to get your point across. (quickly into) Play the game with us on the socials AT DB Cooper junior. Hashtag Factical.
To help play the game, we’ve got our first ever guest on Frenemies of the People, a really, truly, incredibly remarkable young man who has been through hell. Quite literally. We’re told that he was legally dead for three hours, and that he actually went to the underworld, to hell, had some drinks with Satan – i'm not making this up people – and Lucifer himself told him that his time wasn’t up. He needed to come back. And get this – he died after he was stabbed by – get this, this is unreal, people – P. Diddy... Diddy shanked him.... in prison!
Planet Earth, Cooper Troopers, please welcome Mr. J.C. Scoop!
Now JC, tell me, you’ve been dead, but you’re now back to life. And we’re gonna talk about this after we play Tic Fact Toe, but before we start, just tell me, what’s it like to be back on Earth?
JC Snoop
Well, cool. I'll tell you what. After I drank that sunuva bitch Satan, under his 70s-style coffee table. He brought me back with some good and the one and only Evan Williams. The real liquor, and he brought me out to fulfill my destiny. And that's to drink bourbon. To do anything I can to make this great country of America great again, and to share the truth directly with the people. That is who I am here for so they can learn the real facts and use them to own their enemies and frenemies.
DB Cooper Junior
Man, I love that. That's. We're so lucky to have you, JC. Ready to play this game? Tic Fact toe?
JC Snoop
I'm ready. Ready.
DB Cooper Junior
Right, so this is how it works. We got three statements. You're going to tell me which one has the fact in the wrong context. You get it right? You get an X, you get it wrong, I get an O sound about right?
JC Snoop
Sounds good.
DB Cooper Junior
All right, so. Statement #1 Hunter Biden was convicted in July 2024 for being an illegal. Drug user in possession of a. That statement number one statement, #2 Hunter Biden, was convicted in September 2024 for failing to pay income taxes. And statement #3. Hunter Biden is a convicted felon because his laptop was full of evidence clearly showing his guilt. JC. Tell us which one do you think? Is the factical?
JC Snoop
I mean, I think it's pretty clear, dude. Think it's statement 3. I hear his laptop was so full of evidence when they removed the keys, there was evidence behind the physical key. Like even hidden in there, Can you believe that? Quite the family for you.
DB Cooper Junior
Your answer is correct, but your reasoning is incorrect. We're going to get there. We're going to get to why in a second, can I tell you?
JC Snoop
I I think I just know a little bit more than you. But yeah, go ahead.
DB Cooper Junior
Probably. I mean, you are from the, from the deepness of the of the pits of the prison system. We're going to get to that in a. But I want to tell you why. Because this game, this is the first time we have played this game, people. It might be a little weird, but you're right. So you do get the X. I'm going to tell you why the evidence on this computer wasn't full of evidence. Of course, it wasn't “ful”l cause the word “full” changes the context. So this is a factical technique where you say that thing is full, but it's actually not. If I had said the laptop “contained” evidence that would have been all right so. It was about 98% of his laptop was, you know, cat videos and stuff like that.
JC Snoop
I mean, who's isn’t? Who's laptop isn't full of cat videos?
DB Cooper Junior
Exactly, turns out he's just like one of us. Except he evades taxes and owns guns illegally. Moving on to Round 2. Statement #1. Donald Trump's skin is orange because he has overused indoor tanning salons. Statement one. Statement 2. Donald Trump's skin is orange because he's not effectively used sunscreen. And then finally statement 3. Donald Trump's skin is orange because indoor tanning salons were not created by God, and Donald Trump was.
What do you think? Which one is using the factical technique?
JC Snoop
Is a tough one, but but I think it's #3.
DB Cooper Junior
What do you think #3?
JC Snoop
Yeah, I mean.
DB Cooper Junior
I think that's good instincts.
JC Snoop
I'm. I'm a little bit worried because like I don't know if Donald Trump was created by God or if he is God, but I'm going to go with three.
DB Cooper Junior
You know you make a valid argument and to that point. I don't even know if I can argue with that. And I would say you're right. You are right. It's here for JC.
JC Snoop
Got it.
DB Cooper Junior
It could be him, and the thing is, it to your point, we've introduced a belief in this fact, right? We've introduced the belief God may or may not exist, and both of those are beliefs right. They're not facts. You can see how tricky we were right there. Because you can't argue with the belief you’ll lose every time! Yeah, alright. We don't time to play the entire game because you know, we only rented the studio for a little bit and we're kind of cheap. But we'll come back to Tick Fact Toe next week, all right. I want to get to know the real JC Snoop, can we do that?
JC Snoop
Let's do it, man.
DB Cooper Junior
Alright, so JC first of all. Tell me about prison. I understand you werein the same cell block as Diddy, Juan Orlando Hernandez? Jeff Epstein, Sam Bankman Fried. Is that right? A lot of people.
JC Snoop
I mean, you know, I can neither confirm nor deny who I was in there with. They are high level people that I was in. I'm ride or die with them and they're so insanely high level, you know, but the important thing, I have relationships. I know people. I have discovered the truth and I am here to tell it to all of y'all. I am here to share the unvarnished truth that they don't want you to know that you have to know from your experience from talking with the devil himself from really getting deep into the government, the things that they don't want you to know. I'm here to share those.
DB Cooper Junior
And you know. When our producer was pre interviewing you, I was so excited, man, because I was like this guy is legit. Been down the pipes. He's seen real stuff and I'm just super stoked to have you on man. So I want to get quickly to statement #2. Question. My second question, my bad, my bad. Now this is; the whole dying and coming back to life thing I don't know if I believe that. I gotta be honest with you. How can we know as the people, as the Cooper troopers, that you're telling the truth? What proof do you have to share?
JC Snoop
Yeah, you know, like that's a really good point, man. I'm here to tell you the truth. That's a crazy story, right, like. You know. It's so crazy that it's got to be true, because otherwise how would I tell it to you? If I was lying and I told you this, you'd be like, that's BS. And I don't like telling that I'm not hearing it, but it's just the truth. I ain't got nobody else to say. Now you ask about proof. A little bit difficult. But when I came back to life in that bathroom in the cell after being shanked by an entertainment mogul whose name I can't quite disclose right now like there's legal stuff.
I had a shot glass in my hand that I had just used to down some Evan Williams would come off and it wasn't there when I came back, and then when I got it tested by the best scientific minds, not only in the country. But in the world? They could not determine what material they made out of.
DB Cooper Junior
What? Get out of here!
JC Snoop
They call it hell glass... No, I don't like saying that 'cause it makes me sound like a doofus, right? What is hell glass? But that's why you've never heard of. Cuz it doesn't exist. That's the proof of it right there.
And the best scientific minds gave me this report. Look at all this data right there.
DB Cooper Junior
Wow, that's some crazy data JC.
JC Snoop
It is not found in the periodic table, they don't know what it is. Don't know how to make. They don't know how it came in. It's all right here for y'all to see. I have brought. It to the world.
DB Cooper Junior
Look at the screen! Making it white. How did? No, the AI is in it!
JC Snoop
You see. You see the writing.
DB Cooper Junior
I see the writing, but it's not on the screen!
JC Snoop
That's censorship! That's big tech!
DB Cooper Junior
Yo AI is in our system! We gotta fix this!
JC Snoop
That is another proof that they don't want you to know the truth. Is how you know it's straight. This is how you know it's true. Right here.
DB Cooper Junior
I telling you, everybody, it's there's words on it, but you can't see it. Don't know why.
JC Snoop
It's big tech.
DB Cooper Junior
It's big tech, big tech. All right, I want to get to another question, Jace.
Can you tell us why you were thrown in jail and what did you learn? Tell us. Little bit more about that.
JC Snoop
Well, you know, again, I can't really tell you the details of sign NDA like there's a lot of lawyer stuff right now like as soon as I'm able to share like I want to share my story, this is what I'm here for, to tell the American people what's going on. But what did I learn? I learned a lot of things, man. I developed some real close relationships with some high-powered people, people whose names you see in the newspaper, people whose names you know. You know the kind of people that when they make $2,000,000 they say more money, more problems, like this is the people that I learn things from. And eventually I will be able to let you know. I just can't right now 'cause there are lawyers and stuff like that,
I've been really, you know, trying to struggle to pay my lawyers and and I'm trying to get the people to support me. Tell the truth. I just need like a little bit of help from them so I can share my story.
DB Cooper Junior
Maybe we can get some Cooper troopers to help you out now. Mentioned earlier that you you you were into the crypto market? Maybe that’s something we can explore together, maybe like a DB coin or something?
JC Snoop
I would love to tell you about it. And 'cause crypto is the key to the future. They are unlocking our financial potential so we can build generational wealth and not have to depend on the elites that run this country. This is how we get untethered. Crypto is the way to go. Man, I'm telling you.
DB Cooper Junior
So JC maybe won't get you on. Start our coin. Throw that DB right at you man as payment.
JC Snoop
I love it. I love it. We'll go to the moon. I have diamond hands. If you give me some of those coins, they will never leave my hands. They'll have to pry it off, just like they did that shot glass man.
DB Cooper Junior
JC Snoop everybody OK? One more, I know you got to go. I knew you got a lot on your plate and you got things to do and people to hang out with. I want to know with all your inside knowledge of the system. You would be a great correspondent on this show.
JC Snoop
Thank you.
DB Cooper Junior
I think we should hire you. You think you could squeeze it in? I know you got a lot going on. You got a lot of irons in the fire, but what do you think? Join Frenemies of the People's staff as a correspondent pay you in DB Cooper coin?
JC Snoop
I mean, when I was sent back to this earth, which is a thing that us JCs do you know? Like people named JC, we haven't this habit. And when I said wasn't back, I was sent with a mission.
And I appreciate the DB coins because lawyers cost. But I would do this for free 'cause. This is how much I believe in your show, in your truth, in your people. This is not just a job, it is my life's calling. It’s why I'm on this Earth drinking bourbon again.
DB Cooper Junior
Bro, I didn't even making the JC connection! That is incredible. Are you like? No, I can't. I can't. We’re going to have to talk about this another time, but I will just say Lord of Darkness, Lord of Light, teaming up for the betterment of humanity. That's you. That's me, that's the stuff we're here for, JC Snoop. My goodness, I want to have you back on the show, thank you so much for coming on for sure. Thank you so much for doing this. You’re a hero.
JC Snoop
You’re a hero. Do not let anybody tell you otherwise. Do not let the mainstream media tear you down. You are doing the Lord's work just like I am because you are bringing truth. And that's what we need.
DB Cooper Junior
You take care of that magic shot glass now glass, baby.
JC Snoop
Maybe once a scientist release it, I can bring it by too. So you can see the hell glass.
DB Cooper Junior
I would love to see that. Love to see that. All right, JC Snoop, everybody.
Today is of course the presidential inauguration of Donald Trump. That’s right. Celebrate people. It’s a huge day for America, and an even huger day for planet Earth. Because after we take over Greenland, you know what’s next? All the colored countries are going down. Yellow land, Blue land, Purple Land – they’re all gonna be America land when we’re done. Our land is gonna be a rainbow of lands, where we can live with pride, finally!
As we look forward to the next four years, it’s important to also look backward, so we can look forward again and not fall down because we weren’t watching where we were going…
Now, for the record, I’m going say something controversial, but it’s probably true, because I like how it sounds. The 2020 election was... not...stolen... Nope. Wasn’t stolen. Now hear me out, Cooper Troopers. Trump lost... on purpose. That’s right. Who would want to be president during a pandemic... and a fake one at that? The economy was in the tank, there were race riots in the streets, the country was falling apart. No. Trump wanted to lose the election. He wanted to spend time with the people he cares about and let someone else clean up that mess. He’s not a janitor! And now look where we are! Biden did the cleaning like a good little custodian. The economy’s strong. Unemployment is low. Gas prices are down. Now the Trump can take office and claim those wins for America. Because he’s earned them. He’s suffered through losing court battle after losing court battle. It’s time for a win.
Now further back in time.
Eight years ago, Trump took the helm of this great nation, and he valiantly steered us into the storm with all sails lowered. He made this country great, again. He took this nation out of the light and… out of the darkness and into the light… of a Rolls Royce pickup truck with high-beams for fog lights. Never before have wildlife been so afraid of an oncoming car in the dark. And rightly so! America is here to own the road and the sea, and every other metaphor we can mix in here.
So on this day, on the presidential inauguration day, we launch our inaugural episode of Frenemies of the People, with me, D.B. Cooper, Junior, and my distinguished panel of co-hosts and correspondents, like the recently hired JC Scoop. All of us are experts at doing our own research, and not paying any attention to the liberal media. Because, let’s face it, when you do your OWN research, you find the information that YOU WANT TO FIND. That’s what it’s all about. It’s not about facts. It’s about confirming what you already believe. That’s why we do our own research. That’s why the liberal media will never own us, because we don’t believe them. We believe the real people doing the real work on the real websites. Like, donny in the basement dot com, or real truth dot R-U.
We also believe me, because, look at all these documents I have right here! I’ve got all the documents right here... All these documents have all the truth you need to know about everything. So when in doubt, hit me up! Hit up ole DBC2 on the socials, and I’ll confirm exactly what you want to know.
Now, over the next few months, as our inaugural season inaugurates, we’ll learn how to manipulate facts to serve your own purposes. And i don’t know about you, but I’m STOKED for cheap gas again. Mark my words, planet earth, the Don is gonna get gas below a buck a gallon. Then we can finally say goodbye to the Tesla truck... for-ev-ver!
I don’t know about you, but I’m excited for these next four years.... Thomas Jefferson once observed that the American people would benefit from the occasional revolution. To which his rival, James Madison, responded: every day is a revolution. That’s why we have days. That sounds true, right?
Our final segment is inspired by the Don’s incredible ability to mispronounce things and get the elitists all riled up. We love how the Don says jump, and the media wimps are like, how high, sir? And thank you for the ratings! We hate you but gosh we love those numbers!
Our final segment is called Increasing Engagement, where we intentionally mispronounce words, misidentify nouns, and misstate numerous basic facts in order to encourage people to engage with us on social media and tell us that we're incorrect, boosting views and revenue.
App-lees grow on the app-lee tree. The app-lee tree is in-diggen-nuss to the Say-hair-uhh Dessert, which is in Poop-pooh-uh New Gie-nuh, of course. My favorite way to eat an app-lee, is cook-ked over van-aisle-uh eye-cee-yee cree-am. Mmmm. You-mee.
So how many mispronunciations and factual inaccuracies did you count? Go online and tear us a new one. Indulge that self-righteous urge! I promise you’ll feel better about yourself. (inhale through nose) Smell that? Cook-ked app-lees.
That’s it for today. Follow me on the socials at DB Cooper Junior, don’t forget to subscribe and hit that like button on the Yoo-be-Too-be, or Spot-iffy or App-lee podcasts. New episodes launch on Fridays.
Thanks for joining us today, a big thanks to JC Snoop for joining us.
And remember, planet, in the pronoun wars, I am me, you are you, and that is that! Oh shit, my documents!